Heather And I Are Splitting Up After 10 Wonderful Years

Heather And Phil

I mention my wife Heather here from time to time, and she certainly mentions me regularly on her website because I’m so involved with it.

So I think it’s fitting to let you guys know we’re splitting up after 10 years together, nearly 3 of those in marriage.

The good news is that so far, about 10 days since the decision was made, we’re still hoping to continue as distant friends and virtual business partners from our respective cities (wherever those may be).

We’re well aware that could change as our feelings and emotions change daily, but right now it feels like it might be possible.

We spent our last few days in Peru having a wonderful time just as old friends, and a couple of days back home dividing up our things, which was a nice time too.

We started working from home together about 3 1/2 years ago, and with spending so much time together working, our relationship has gradually been moving a little more towards a business relationship.

Not that I thought of her as just a friend, but I can see why she may feel that way. While we did do lots of fun things together, we also worked a lot, so it’s not been the most balanced lifestyle.

We’ve certainly loved each other very much and had great times, even throughout Peru, not to mention the fun we have running the websites together, but I’ll admit most of our conversations were about work.

I will say I’ve been thrilled with our relationship, and although it’s easy to take a person for granted after 10 years, I was still very proud to have her.

It was Heather who precipitated the split. It seems she hadn’t been quite as happy for awhile, but she didn’t know why. Then she says she just woke up one day and felt in her heart that the relationship was over.

It was a huge shock to me because I’d been happy with her and we’ve never had any real problems that I was aware of – we enjoy spending all that time together, we never fight, we have the same values and many of the same goals, etc. – so I would have liked a chance to work through whatever issues there might have been.

But Heather just wanted to move on, and I now feel good about that as I can see a positive side to this change, too.

It will be an interesting experience to live on my own for awhile. And while there aren’t too many women as wonderful as Heather in this world, there are bound to be some great matches for me. I hope she finds someone who is right for her.

It’s possible we’re in denial that a breakup could be this bearable, but so far it’s been okay. That being said, if you have any words of encouragement, I’d be thankful to have them posted below – it’s always nice to have support at a time like this (after that, you can read her post about the separation).

But I’m really looking forward to a future that may even end up more fantastic than the awesome life we’d already been living.

And I just thought I’d bring you into the loop because I feel a bond with many of you guys who leave great comments/questions and send such nice emails. I’m very grateful to have you.

Next Day Update

Thanks so much to everyone who left comments and sent emails. I’ve read them all multiple times and your support makes all of this much easier!

Rather than respond to each one, I’d like to address some of the main thoughts you guys had:

You two are making a mistake.
Maybe, I guess only time will tell. I would have liked to have worked on the relationship, but since that’s not an option, I had to decide how to handle it. I could be sad or angry and burn the bridge with Heather or I could try to maintain some form of friendship and focus on the positive side of this, the opportunity for a new beginning. I prefer the latter.

You should have sensed this coming.
Perhaps I should have (I guess I’m a typical male in that respect). And perhaps Heather should have sensed it coming too and let me know she wasn’t feeling happy (despite her wonderful video persona she’s actually not much of a talker, I gather a little atypical for a woman although I don’t really know if that’s true). But neither of us figured it out in time, so I have to move forward.

Maybe you just need some time apart to see that you are meant for each other.
Maybe that’s true, but I think we’re both moving in a more positive direction. But if that is the case, that’s cool. Or if we each find someone even better, that’s also fine. Really, as long as we both end up happy, that’s what’s important. If one of us finds someone else and the other doesn’t, well, that wouldn’t be very nice would it? Let’s hope I’d get the right side of that deal (just kidding).

It’s normal for a marriage to become more like a friendship, but it’s still worthwhile keeping.
I could see that, too. That’s not really something I can speak to because to me, our relationship was still more than a friendship.

The grass isn’t as green on the other side as you think it is.
I believe you. But in my case I’ve been let loose on that other side and I can either focus on the green grass or the weeds – I’m choosing the grass (okay, that’s a bad analogy on this website because I like weeds, too, but you get the point).

You should fight for her. She wants you to.
Several people said this. If I thought it were true I would have fought more than I did, but I just don’t see it. Heather knows I thought it was worth working on things, but it wasn’t an option for her, and I know her well enough to know she’s not hoping for a pursuit.

It will be difficult to keep the friendship going.
I can see that being the case, but I think it’s worthwhile to make an effort for now, right? If it fades out then so be it.

Maybe Heather has someone else.
Nope, she doesn’t. She’s extremely loyal that way – one of her many nice traits.

I hope that addresses the main things that came up, and thanks to everyone else for your encouraging words. It’s nice for me to be able to share this here.

Heather and I have moved to several cities over the last few years and we’ve been working so hard on our business that my social circle has dwindled, so your support is really very important to me.

Hopefully this separation will move me to seek a little more work-life balance and make more room for friends, but right now I feel very lucky to have you guys. 🙂

Day 20 Update

Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone for all of the comments. I didn’t respond individually but it’s been very helpful to read all of your thoughts which continue to roll in.

I’ll update here a little further down the road… UPDATE!



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